Why do we dismiss the things we're best at?

Are you dismissing the value of your talent and experience because of the myth of 'hard work'?

Hello lovely you,

Last week I spent a couple of hours working with a client on their business and then a couple more pulling together the report afterwards.

We looked at what they currently offer, who they serve, how they package and price their work, how they market themselves and where new clients are likely to come from. We talked about some of the practical things too, like holding boundaries around client contact, their capacity of time and energy and what would need to change for the business to feel clear and sustainable rather than muddled and exhausting.

As is often the case, we also ended up talking about some of the thinking sitting underneath it all. The self-doubt that makes you second guess yourself. The people-pleasing that has you creating offers around what everyone else wants rather than what actually works for you. The stories we tell ourselves about what people will and won’t pay for.

By the end of the session there was a lot more clarity. Things that had felt tangled and overwhelming suddenly seemed much simpler. The direction forwards was clearer. The report flowed easily because, by that point, it felt as though we both knew what needed to happen next and I just needed to capture the decisions and direction that so it could inform future activity.

And that’s the bit that always catches me out.

Not because the work felt difficult and I was relieved it was over, but because it felt easy. TOO easy.

I genuinely love doing this kind of work with client on business clarity and direction. I find it absolutely fascinating. I can usually see patterns quite quickly, spot opportunities, identify where things are getting muddled and help people find their way back to what really matters, see the things that will make the difference.

Most of the time it doesn’t feel like hard work in the way we’ve been taught hard work is supposed to feel. It feels engaging and energising and, if I’m honest, really enjoyable.

Yet every now and then, after I’ve sent over a report or finished a session, a little voice pops up and wonders whether the client will look at it and think, “Is that it?”

Just to be clear, nobody has ever said that :)

In fact, the feedback is usually the opposite. People tell me lovely things like that they feel calmer, clearer and more confident afterwards. They tell me they finally know what to focus on. They stop trying to do seventeen different things at once and start moving forwards with more ease.

And yet that thought still appears from time to time.

I think it comes from a belief I’ve absorbed somewhere along the way that valuable things are supposed to be difficult. That work should be hard.

We’re surrounded by stories about hustle and sacrifice and long hours. We sometimes secretly admire people who are burning the candle at both ends and talk about how hard they work - busy, busy, busy!

Even outside of work, there is often an underlying assumption that if something comes naturally to you, it somehow counts less than the thing you have to wrestle with and really strive for.

But when I look back at myself I think OK, I do seem to have a flair for clarity, pattern spotting, reading people etc, all of which help me in my work but I have also worked in and around marketing and communications for three decades now, have run small businesses since 2005 and have trained as and worked as a coach for two decades.

I see this all the time with creative women I work with too. The things they dismiss most readily are often the things they’re best at. They assume everybody can do them because they can do them, see things that way because they do. They overlook years of experience, practice, mistakes, learning and experimentation because the result now feels natural and easy to them.

It’s a bit like forgetting how many times you had to do something before it became second nature, which we all do.

Just pause for a moment and think about one of the things you are good and at and try to see all of the components that have lead to this ‘being good’ at it. Training, qualifications, experiments, falling down and getting back up again, the sheer time and energy and resilience put in.

So I’m trying to notice that in myself when it shows up. Instead of questioning the value of something because it felt enjoyable or straightforward and obvious to me, I’m trying to remember that perhaps that is exactly how expertise is supposed to feel.

Not completely effortless maybe, but familiar, natural like being in the right place doing the thing you are meant to be doing.

I’m curious whether you experience this too.

Do you ever find yourself discounting the value or importance of something because it comes easily to you?

Do you find it hard to charge a decent price for your time or your products because it feels easy for you to do or make them?

Do you even feel a bit guilty for making money from things that come so naturally to you?

Are you minimising your talents because you see them as more ordinary than they actually are?

And if so, what might change if you started seeing that ease as evidence of your experience rather than evidence that it has no value?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! tell me something you can do that feels easy!

And if you’d like some of that easy magic that I delivered to my client, hit reply and ask me more about it. Because if you need clarity around what you offer, how you talk about it, how you price it and how to create a business that feels more sustainable and enjoyable, I’m your woman, it’s easy!

With love,

Sarah x