An intentional plan for our free time - YES! Such a great article and delighted to be able to have these honest conversations to navigate this tricky subject...
Absolutely brilliant attitude. As a teacher, I see so often the glaring difference between being chastised for doing something people shouldn’t and being rewarded for doing something they should and every time the motivation to do an activity worth doing is so, so much more powerful.
Ah Jack that’s a wonderful observation, thank you! It’s a reminder for me in relation to my son, to praise the behaviour I’d like to see increase and perhaps bite my tongue more :) thank you for that x
Hi Sarah, it is such a thoughtful article! I am guilty as charged with social media - spending too much time that is simply taken away, instead of filling that with things I (and we as a family) can enjoy. And definitely doing more of "real things" would naturally reduce the "screen battle" with my children, as it worked in the past! I must admit that now, when it's spring, it is a bit easier for us to do more things (thanks to the weather). And thank you for recommending the app; I am just downloading it on my phone and laptop!
This is the thing, as parents, instead of engaging in lots of battles about children’s use of screens, sometimes it’s just as simple as suggesting something else to them, let’s all play a board game, let’s go to the beach, let’s bake something. It doesn’t have to be anything major in my experience it’s easier than we think with the right approach. But we have to do it for ourselves as well. That Hour in the evening with no work or chores or parenting, how are we going to spend that?
This has come at the perfect time Sarah, thank you. I honestly shudder to think at how much time I've spent on Instagram/Threads recently and it doesn't make feel good - in fact rather the opposite. I find myself scrolling as a stress response, not even engaging with the posts. Just scrolling and refreshing because there is always something new to see and so my brain doesn't have to think. consciously planning some other activities (offline) seems like the perfect way to reset my brain and remind it that it can create it's own entertainment - it doesn't have to be a passive participant.
Yes! So pleased this touched you :) we all need to reflect on our screen use, and often as you so perfectly point out here, our use of screens is a way of escaping uncomfortable feelings as well, avoiding difficult emotions, taking us away from what we see as being stressful. Sometimes all it takes is for us to put our phone down and look that thing in the face.
I'm having some success in cutting back. I actually leave my phone on the nightstand where I plug it in to charge during sleeping. I leave it on the nightstand and walk down the hall to the office. I noticed how aggravated I ended up feeling when I pick up the phone first thing. My mornings are much more productive!
I've largely given up X and only peruse / share on FB, Threads, and IG for my photography-related stuff...but I even am aiming to cut back on this too because photography is great for a primary goal I have...to start moving more back "offline." Funny that getting back outside and with other people is now considered "offline."
I've also started brewing Kombucha in a local brewery space and that will spur an amazing new social aspect to being more offline.
I love your approach with your son, so much more gentle and nourishing rather than just getting frustrated for the screen time. Love this post! I find that the more I put my phone away, the harder it becomes to pick it up again!
Thank you! It too a lot of less nourishing approaches to get there but it’s definitely better. I think the next focus in our household needs to be on us, the parents. Work to do for us too for sure!
Really liked this post Sarah! I have a teenager as well and the screen time is definitely a problem. Also, her school issued an iPad to all the students at the beginning of the year to do all their assignments and turn them in (they return the tablets at the end of the term). I feel like it’s just too much 🙁
Definitely going to try this approach with my pre teen - it’s so easy for him (and me!) to default to screens but important to remember our other interests and make time for them too. I really like the focus on the positive (doing more offline fun things) rather than the negative (restricting screen time).
I found the chat we had around other things we enjoyed doing so useful as a way of engaging him and connecting him back in. also it's about modelling it too, we can't chide our kids for things we do ourselves!
I absolutely love this. Such a great way to reframe 'cant' or 'can only' also love the sense of responsibility this will inevitably instill. About to have the chat with my own daughter - well not right now as it's way passed bedtime, but very soon. Thanks for sharing.
thank you Steph! i think we have to have ongoing conversations and non judgemental observations with our kids about how they're spending time, how certain things make them feel, noticing when online stuff feels too much - and also, keeping them in touch with all the other things life has to offer. I think as parents we need to model good behaviour and also encourage them to spend time with us - which sometimes means doing stuff we don't love but they do :) but usually there is common ground isn't there and the more we can stay connected and engaged and have fun with them, the better it is generally anyway - and it keeps them offline for a while too!
Love this post so much Sarah. What powerful words - creating a life that’s worth putting your phone down for! It really resonates with me in my own work of trying to remove the barriers to spending time crafting. Whether that’s organisation, confidence, education or something else. I’m a big believer in looking for the gaps in my month to see where I can fit in the things I’d love to do. The months I do that I get far more of those things done than when I don’t!
hey Sophie! often just getting started is the key isn't it, having stuff to hand, making it easy, planning time - but then when we are creating and our confidence etc comes into play, make it easy, just plan 30 mins, remind yourself that you are playing, not trying to produce something world class. at the moment I am just drawing/ doodling with some acrylic markers in a notebook, pattern making essentially, trying not to have any focus on whether it is good enough - whatever that means!
This is such a thoughtful article, Sarah. Reminds me of the book How to Break up With Your Phone, which I’ve been thinking of revisiting because my online consumption has got me feeling a little uncomfortable. Also grateful for the support around how we might tackle screentime with my daughter!
it's an ongoing noticing and adjusting isn't it, we are never done with this finding a balance stuff, but the awareness you have is key. Thats definitely a good book for a practical approach - I also recommend if you haven't already read it. Stolen Focus by Johann Hari, really fascinating look into the whole thing
Sarah I can really resonate with this, if I'm not intentional with my free time I can quite quickly resort to screens because they feel like the easiest choice - but never usually the best! I've started gardening, cooking more, reading, exercising more. It's actually been amazing to see how much doing these things has naturally meant I spend less time on my phone, if anything, it's the phone that's boring now!
Way too much time on the phone… I hate it, and thank you for the nudge to put it down and focus elsewhere. Art for me… but with my phone in another room!
Wonderful perspective - reminds me of Dr. William Li whose approach to eating to beat disease is about adding nutritious food in and not about removing foods. We can crowd out what doesn't serve us by adding in wonderful things.
I would add that my husband and I share a phone, and have an Apple Watch on a different number. Sharing a phone is an amazing hack to lessening its hold over you, and the watch helps us stay in touch when we are separate from each other. It's not for everyone, but it works for us.
oh that's so interesting! I have never come across that before but I can see how it would work. too often our phones feel like an extension of ourselves.
An intentional plan for our free time - YES! Such a great article and delighted to be able to have these honest conversations to navigate this tricky subject...
Absolutely brilliant attitude. As a teacher, I see so often the glaring difference between being chastised for doing something people shouldn’t and being rewarded for doing something they should and every time the motivation to do an activity worth doing is so, so much more powerful.
Ah Jack that’s a wonderful observation, thank you! It’s a reminder for me in relation to my son, to praise the behaviour I’d like to see increase and perhaps bite my tongue more :) thank you for that x
Hi Sarah, it is such a thoughtful article! I am guilty as charged with social media - spending too much time that is simply taken away, instead of filling that with things I (and we as a family) can enjoy. And definitely doing more of "real things" would naturally reduce the "screen battle" with my children, as it worked in the past! I must admit that now, when it's spring, it is a bit easier for us to do more things (thanks to the weather). And thank you for recommending the app; I am just downloading it on my phone and laptop!
This is the thing, as parents, instead of engaging in lots of battles about children’s use of screens, sometimes it’s just as simple as suggesting something else to them, let’s all play a board game, let’s go to the beach, let’s bake something. It doesn’t have to be anything major in my experience it’s easier than we think with the right approach. But we have to do it for ourselves as well. That Hour in the evening with no work or chores or parenting, how are we going to spend that?
This has come at the perfect time Sarah, thank you. I honestly shudder to think at how much time I've spent on Instagram/Threads recently and it doesn't make feel good - in fact rather the opposite. I find myself scrolling as a stress response, not even engaging with the posts. Just scrolling and refreshing because there is always something new to see and so my brain doesn't have to think. consciously planning some other activities (offline) seems like the perfect way to reset my brain and remind it that it can create it's own entertainment - it doesn't have to be a passive participant.
Yes! So pleased this touched you :) we all need to reflect on our screen use, and often as you so perfectly point out here, our use of screens is a way of escaping uncomfortable feelings as well, avoiding difficult emotions, taking us away from what we see as being stressful. Sometimes all it takes is for us to put our phone down and look that thing in the face.
I'm having some success in cutting back. I actually leave my phone on the nightstand where I plug it in to charge during sleeping. I leave it on the nightstand and walk down the hall to the office. I noticed how aggravated I ended up feeling when I pick up the phone first thing. My mornings are much more productive!
I've largely given up X and only peruse / share on FB, Threads, and IG for my photography-related stuff...but I even am aiming to cut back on this too because photography is great for a primary goal I have...to start moving more back "offline." Funny that getting back outside and with other people is now considered "offline."
I've also started brewing Kombucha in a local brewery space and that will spur an amazing new social aspect to being more offline.
Being in purposeful community is a wonderful thing!
I love your approach with your son, so much more gentle and nourishing rather than just getting frustrated for the screen time. Love this post! I find that the more I put my phone away, the harder it becomes to pick it up again!
Thank you! It too a lot of less nourishing approaches to get there but it’s definitely better. I think the next focus in our household needs to be on us, the parents. Work to do for us too for sure!
Really liked this post Sarah! I have a teenager as well and the screen time is definitely a problem. Also, her school issued an iPad to all the students at the beginning of the year to do all their assignments and turn them in (they return the tablets at the end of the term). I feel like it’s just too much 🙁
Yeah the homework being online is such an issue!
Definitely going to try this approach with my pre teen - it’s so easy for him (and me!) to default to screens but important to remember our other interests and make time for them too. I really like the focus on the positive (doing more offline fun things) rather than the negative (restricting screen time).
I found the chat we had around other things we enjoyed doing so useful as a way of engaging him and connecting him back in. also it's about modelling it too, we can't chide our kids for things we do ourselves!
I absolutely love this. Such a great way to reframe 'cant' or 'can only' also love the sense of responsibility this will inevitably instill. About to have the chat with my own daughter - well not right now as it's way passed bedtime, but very soon. Thanks for sharing.
thank you Steph! i think we have to have ongoing conversations and non judgemental observations with our kids about how they're spending time, how certain things make them feel, noticing when online stuff feels too much - and also, keeping them in touch with all the other things life has to offer. I think as parents we need to model good behaviour and also encourage them to spend time with us - which sometimes means doing stuff we don't love but they do :) but usually there is common ground isn't there and the more we can stay connected and engaged and have fun with them, the better it is generally anyway - and it keeps them offline for a while too!
Agree. Finding that commonality is such a great segue to more fun.❤️
we are going to play Ticket to Ride tonight them watch a TV show together as a family, which always feels more nourishing
Love this post so much Sarah. What powerful words - creating a life that’s worth putting your phone down for! It really resonates with me in my own work of trying to remove the barriers to spending time crafting. Whether that’s organisation, confidence, education or something else. I’m a big believer in looking for the gaps in my month to see where I can fit in the things I’d love to do. The months I do that I get far more of those things done than when I don’t!
hey Sophie! often just getting started is the key isn't it, having stuff to hand, making it easy, planning time - but then when we are creating and our confidence etc comes into play, make it easy, just plan 30 mins, remind yourself that you are playing, not trying to produce something world class. at the moment I am just drawing/ doodling with some acrylic markers in a notebook, pattern making essentially, trying not to have any focus on whether it is good enough - whatever that means!
This is such a thoughtful article, Sarah. Reminds me of the book How to Break up With Your Phone, which I’ve been thinking of revisiting because my online consumption has got me feeling a little uncomfortable. Also grateful for the support around how we might tackle screentime with my daughter!
it's an ongoing noticing and adjusting isn't it, we are never done with this finding a balance stuff, but the awareness you have is key. Thats definitely a good book for a practical approach - I also recommend if you haven't already read it. Stolen Focus by Johann Hari, really fascinating look into the whole thing
15 restacks - yes sir-ree it's handled so well as a topic here. !!!!!!! ✨
Sarah I can really resonate with this, if I'm not intentional with my free time I can quite quickly resort to screens because they feel like the easiest choice - but never usually the best! I've started gardening, cooking more, reading, exercising more. It's actually been amazing to see how much doing these things has naturally meant I spend less time on my phone, if anything, it's the phone that's boring now!
I love this!!
Way too much time on the phone… I hate it, and thank you for the nudge to put it down and focus elsewhere. Art for me… but with my phone in another room!
phone out of sight REALLY helps doesn't it!
Oh my gosh…yes!!!
My screen time is terrible. Thank you for a helpful article 🙏
you're welcome! everyone's is which is why I knew this would strike a chord!
Wonderful perspective - reminds me of Dr. William Li whose approach to eating to beat disease is about adding nutritious food in and not about removing foods. We can crowd out what doesn't serve us by adding in wonderful things.
I would add that my husband and I share a phone, and have an Apple Watch on a different number. Sharing a phone is an amazing hack to lessening its hold over you, and the watch helps us stay in touch when we are separate from each other. It's not for everyone, but it works for us.
oh that's so interesting! I have never come across that before but I can see how it would work. too often our phones feel like an extension of ourselves.