I write in the hope it'll be read but I notice I don't expect to ever be a big well known Substack with big numbers. It's like I tell myself, nah, that's not something that'll happen to me. Isn't that strange?
I think you are onto something with the safety concern. It isn’t just the risk of criticism that’s concerning, though. The misogynist mistreatment of women online can be much worse than annoying - it can progress to harassment, doxxing, deep fakes, and more. This affects the risk-reward tradeoff and has definitely been an inhibitor IMHO.
What gets me is - that’s the whole point of them attacking, to inhibit us. If we let that risk of being attacked prevent us from writing or speaking, it works and they ‘win’.
Not everyone can afford to take the risks. But for those of us who can, when we write and speak up anyway, we can reduce their win percentage and dilute their attack. An example of safety in numbers?
thanks :) I didn't want to offend the original poster or those who said 'yes', just to make people think. So if someone IS annoyed then... too bad really.
Yes! Particularly as women I feel we are judged negatively if we say that we want to be bold and make an impact. As though we should somehow just aim for staying small, safe and ideally as silent as possible. Yes to shouting louder in 2024!
Thank you for this. As someone who has always been very pro vulnerability when it comes to creating and sharing, it’s only been recently I’ve struggled with it myself. Thank you for the reminder to be seen.
I so feel all of this. Several years ago I was hiking and Lady Gaga’s “I’m here for the applause” came on. By the time it was done I had an entire fired up ig post written in my head about exactly this. The whole idea that I’m not supposed to want likes and comments. That I’m somehow supposed to be above the desire to have my work validated or to know it was resonant and impactful. Can you imagine someone suggesting that Gaga isn’t fueled by the screaming fans, singing along to her music? Do we think winning a Grammy doesn’t matter to her? That the response to her presence and art isn’t a part of the fuel to create and perform? Bullshit.
Would she still make music if it all went away? I imagine so. But does the fact that it exists (or that so many less successful singers wish it did) mean that Gaga is a desperate, insincere and insecure human who relies on outside affirmation to validate her existence or talent? As if.
I’m not sure when or how it was decided that online creators are supposed to create (and create and create and create to feed the machine that never sleeps) without giving a shit about how many people interact with the vulnerably offered representation of their art, heart and purpose. To not care how people respond (and also, while they go about all that cheerful not caring- keep it pure by not monetizing) lest they appear attention hungry, not quite humble enough, or suffering from tragically low self esteem.
It’s maddening. I’ve been doing this word thing for over 20 years. Of course I fucking want a bigger audience. Of course I want the applause. Yes. If one person is changed or saved or touched by a piece of writing there is deep beauty and purpose it that. But I do not ever apologize for wanting more.
(And she clumsily steps off soapbox and hands back the mic)
LOVE this Jeanette and I so agree with you. I don't know where this ideal that would should be happy with whatever crumbs of support we are give came from either but it DOES feel particularly pertinent to women - though I am sure some men feel this way too. If you were raised as female, you get lots of messages about being selfless, there for the support of others, that drawing attention to yourself is really distasteful. It's so wrong. I am definitely here for the applause!
Thank you definitely resonate with not feeling safe to be seen or succeed. Have been unpacking this after making my first post last week. Love the Marianne Williamson quote, not seen it for some time a great reminder for me today 🙏
This is such a valuable inquiry around visibility and being seen, both in our power and our vulnerability, which feels like a delicate, intertwined dance. Thank you for this food for thought 🙏
That Marianne Willamson quote gets me every time. This is the crux of the work I do with women in my LinkedIn workshops - stepping out of the safety of playing small and into something more fulfilling - which in my experience, is already eating away inside. Thanks for this piece Sarah xo
I really worry about the messages I see that make people feel that wanting attention etc us bad - that whole 'stop showing off' message from our childhoods runs deep x
Thank you so much for writing this! If I had seen that note I would have been your fellow no! I work too hard and am too good for just one reader!
But you are spot on about the fear. Any time I make a bit of progress and reach more people or some other goal or marker of success I’ve been working my butt off for, I will do my giddy happy dance, sure, but I will also cringe and shout in panic, “I do not want to be perceived!!!!” and think about burning it all down. It is such a strange and paradoxical feeling and, as you say, it is 100% out of fear of vulnerability and criticism.
I write in the hope it'll be read but I notice I don't expect to ever be a big well known Substack with big numbers. It's like I tell myself, nah, that's not something that'll happen to me. Isn't that strange?
So normal but yes because WHY THE HELL NOT! You write well, you have really interesting things to say, an amazing aesthetic… you could be a star!
Thank you Sarah
Such a brilliant read Sarah! One I know I would have been open mouthed about just a couple of years ago - you are right on with this! ♥️✨
Thank you! I’m going to make a point of being bolder!
Shouting FUCK YES to you and to this Sarah 🙌🙌🙌
Some brilliant thoughts here, I so resonate 💜
Yay!!
I think you are onto something with the safety concern. It isn’t just the risk of criticism that’s concerning, though. The misogynist mistreatment of women online can be much worse than annoying - it can progress to harassment, doxxing, deep fakes, and more. This affects the risk-reward tradeoff and has definitely been an inhibitor IMHO.
Yes! I am still expecting flack for writing this… 😂
What gets me is - that’s the whole point of them attacking, to inhibit us. If we let that risk of being attacked prevent us from writing or speaking, it works and they ‘win’.
Not everyone can afford to take the risks. But for those of us who can, when we write and speak up anyway, we can reduce their win percentage and dilute their attack. An example of safety in numbers?
Yes! They only win because of this, more bravery, more supporting others, more standing up to the nonsense. It’s hard though isn’t it
It is hard. I hope you *don't* get flack for writing this - but if you do, I'll be glad to join the defense. :)
thanks :) I didn't want to offend the original poster or those who said 'yes', just to make people think. So if someone IS annoyed then... too bad really.
Yes! Particularly as women I feel we are judged negatively if we say that we want to be bold and make an impact. As though we should somehow just aim for staying small, safe and ideally as silent as possible. Yes to shouting louder in 2024!
Exactly! It’s just not nice is it, power grabbing as a woman! Very unfeminine
Thank you for this. As someone who has always been very pro vulnerability when it comes to creating and sharing, it’s only been recently I’ve struggled with it myself. Thank you for the reminder to be seen.
DANG. I am going to be thinking about this one for a while...
I so feel all of this. Several years ago I was hiking and Lady Gaga’s “I’m here for the applause” came on. By the time it was done I had an entire fired up ig post written in my head about exactly this. The whole idea that I’m not supposed to want likes and comments. That I’m somehow supposed to be above the desire to have my work validated or to know it was resonant and impactful. Can you imagine someone suggesting that Gaga isn’t fueled by the screaming fans, singing along to her music? Do we think winning a Grammy doesn’t matter to her? That the response to her presence and art isn’t a part of the fuel to create and perform? Bullshit.
Would she still make music if it all went away? I imagine so. But does the fact that it exists (or that so many less successful singers wish it did) mean that Gaga is a desperate, insincere and insecure human who relies on outside affirmation to validate her existence or talent? As if.
I’m not sure when or how it was decided that online creators are supposed to create (and create and create and create to feed the machine that never sleeps) without giving a shit about how many people interact with the vulnerably offered representation of their art, heart and purpose. To not care how people respond (and also, while they go about all that cheerful not caring- keep it pure by not monetizing) lest they appear attention hungry, not quite humble enough, or suffering from tragically low self esteem.
It’s maddening. I’ve been doing this word thing for over 20 years. Of course I fucking want a bigger audience. Of course I want the applause. Yes. If one person is changed or saved or touched by a piece of writing there is deep beauty and purpose it that. But I do not ever apologize for wanting more.
(And she clumsily steps off soapbox and hands back the mic)
LOVE this Jeanette and I so agree with you. I don't know where this ideal that would should be happy with whatever crumbs of support we are give came from either but it DOES feel particularly pertinent to women - though I am sure some men feel this way too. If you were raised as female, you get lots of messages about being selfless, there for the support of others, that drawing attention to yourself is really distasteful. It's so wrong. I am definitely here for the applause!
I ended up hearing that song in my head ALL DAY LONG. I also wrote this one several years ago that I just remembered. Clearly, this has been on my mind for a while :)https://medium.com/wild-heart-writers/i-didnt-come-here-for-the-shadows-i-m-here-to-take-up-space-9056f94f8fd8
Beautifully written and beautifully said.
Maybe the invisibility cloak has started to shift. 😌
I really hope so!
Thank you definitely resonate with not feeling safe to be seen or succeed. Have been unpacking this after making my first post last week. Love the Marianne Williamson quote, not seen it for some time a great reminder for me today 🙏
we need to feel safe and we need to make others feel safe I think x
Yes yes yes yes yes yes x a million i FEEL THIS IN MY BONES.
YES!
This is such a valuable inquiry around visibility and being seen, both in our power and our vulnerability, which feels like a delicate, intertwined dance. Thank you for this food for thought 🙏
yes, power and vulnerability can co exist. we can feel vulnerable AND powerful at the same time I think. Honesty is the real power.
Yes, I very much agree 💚 honesty is where we can create real connection
That Marianne Willamson quote gets me every time. This is the crux of the work I do with women in my LinkedIn workshops - stepping out of the safety of playing small and into something more fulfilling - which in my experience, is already eating away inside. Thanks for this piece Sarah xo
I really worry about the messages I see that make people feel that wanting attention etc us bad - that whole 'stop showing off' message from our childhoods runs deep x
This was brilliant Sarah, thank you 😊
Thank you so much for writing this! If I had seen that note I would have been your fellow no! I work too hard and am too good for just one reader!
But you are spot on about the fear. Any time I make a bit of progress and reach more people or some other goal or marker of success I’ve been working my butt off for, I will do my giddy happy dance, sure, but I will also cringe and shout in panic, “I do not want to be perceived!!!!” and think about burning it all down. It is such a strange and paradoxical feeling and, as you say, it is 100% out of fear of vulnerability and criticism.
I look forward to getting over it. 🫣🖤