Why 99% of criticism does not deserve a seat at your table

Relax, take a deep breath, almost all criticism is not for you to deal with and here's why...

Hey gorgeous you,

I wrote the below on Substack notes and then decided, as many of my people read me purely via email, I would send this directly to you, as it feels important and worth saying and will, I think, resonate with many of you and maybe help you a little with your feelings around criticism and the opinions of others.

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I have been thinking lately about the effect that criticism on women, their lives and their creativity recently. I enjoyed a thought provoking discussion last night with a group of women in an online circle I am in, about how much we cared about what other people thought of us (or as one woman put it ‘how many shits we give’) and whose opinions still mattered, what caring about criticism and opinions of others means in our lives, what it costs us, the ways in which it stops us or affects us.

It’s wild to think about how much brilliance and authenticity is currently not being shared because of the fear of criticism or the attachment to the opinions of others.

I then listened to part of a We Can Do Hard Things podcast this morning as I hoovered (the glamour!) which also talked about how to survive and get through criticism, and was full of wisdom and confirmed many of my thoughts on the subject which are roughly as follows:

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You don't have to take criticism of your work and creativity from someone who isn't building anything of their own. Full stop. Once you make this a rule, you will eradicate the majority of criticism in your creative life.

Criticism and judgement about women is essentially heavily tainted by the patriarchy and what society at large thinks women should be doing and in what way we need to be controlled.

Because we have been trained to be ‘good girls’ people (male AND female) instinctively know the way to criticise women effectively is to do it in relation to how we are in relationships with others, how good a mother or friend or daughter we are, and how nice, supportive etc we are to people generally. How well we fit in.

Women who dare to talk about their success (the promotion, the business success, the review etc) and the amount of good money they make REALLY bring out the witch finders. And we must see ALL OF THIS for what it is (patriarchal bollocks mixed with jealousy) and resist this.

BTW: You are never ‘too much’ - that isn’t even a thing and don’t be fooled into thinking it is.

In addition, you don’t have to take criticism or opinion from:

• People who only show up to point out the flaws and never notice the beauty in who you are or what you are creating

• People who do not actually KNOW you, AKA strangers on the internet. How can what they think possibility be relevant? As Glennon Doyle says: ‘bless and block’.

• People projecting their fears onto your dreams. Life is RIFE with these people, absolutely rife. We can feel sad for them but ultimately must spot them and protect ourselves from them too.

• Anyone whose version of helping and supporting you feels like they are shrinking or controlling you, not strengthening and upholding you (I’m just trying to protect you, I just don’t want you to make a mistake, I’m telling you for your own good etc etc)

• Your own inner critic, when she’s just repeating old stories, not offering and real wisdom.

So! If all of the above is true and I sincerely think it IS, I hope you can see that 99% of criticism is not worth our attention.

Protect your spark! I love you!

Sarah x

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